Without Remorse

The following story may or may not be fictional.  The names have been excluded because they have no bearing on our tale

 

1989  – Hollywood.  Struggling musician (what a cliche’) hooks up with a “model”.  A sporadic, disconnected, deviant relationship begins.  No details are needed.  It’s not that kind of story.
This is a story of honor.  A story of lies.  A story of betrayal.  A story of shame.  A story of many things, but no remorse.

 

The struggling musician and the “model”.  It was years later before he figured out “model” is code for escort in some circles.

 

Struggling musician thinks he is honorable.  Or at least his version of honorable   You see, our hero/anti-hero has a secret.  He is not honorable.  He is not acting honorably.   He had betrayed the trust of one who deserved it above all others.

 

The model, this whore.  Never attempted to appear honorable.  The level of her dishonor was yet to be discovered.

 

The dilemma was she knew of his dishonor and was not fazed by it.  He mistook this for love.  It was not love. This was lust and the intimacy of two sharing a lie.  The lie was deep.  Deeper than he could know.  He only had 1/2 of the program.  He only knew his dishonor  But he felt no remorse. Not then

 

The model/whore had a secret. The same secret as his and when discovered,  this dishonorable man did what he thought of as an honorable act.  In an imperfect attempt to embody the “bros before hoes” code, he exposed her secret to the one, the other one who was a victim of her dishonor

 

The whore/model panicked. She called on our now complete anti-hero to save her.  Save her from the coming storm that was her betrayed. Our formerly “honorable” man answered the call

 

As he arrived in the 1987 Buick version of a white horse to sweep her away to their happily ever after.  He was met by a new level of betrayal.

 

You see the model/hooker/whore, had never been honorable and because of his distorted version of what honor was, he was ill prepared for what was to transpire

 

As he dismounted and approached the home of the whore, he was met by a group enlisted to protect her from the now dishonorable man.  A scuffle ensued. He was outnumbered and desperate.  Though his honor was now gone,his instinct was not.  The “protectors” seemed to think he would cower and surrender.  Sadly for one of them, his lack of honor did not mean he had surrendered.

 

One of the protectors took a mis-step.  The once hero, turned anti-hero turned cornered animal saw his moment and fought as he flew.  He landed well.  The fallen protector did not.  We will never know if the fallen protector was a man of honor, doing what he thought was honorable for a woman without honor.  A victim of her lies.  Or it he was a conspirator.  A willing participant  turned victim.  A fatal decision.

 

Whether it was an honorable of dishonorable decision, or what type of man the protector turned victim was, mattered not to our now dishonorable former hero turned villain.

It mattered not because his lack of honor allowed him to walk away from a shattered and prematurely ended life without remorse.

 

 

That would come much later. But not a remorse for the outcome but remorse for the cause.  Remorse over the loss of his honor.

 

He vowed to act honorably for the rest of his days.  And he has.  But…….. he still questions whether his lack of remorse defines him.  He ponders, “Is the honor true” ?

 

Will he ever know the answers to these questions.

 

Does it matter ?

 

If he continues to act with honor he will never again have to be in a remorseful position without remorse.

 

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